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Guilt About Not Breastfeeding? Try Formula
Guilt about not breastfeeding
As a registered dietitian nutritionist, lactation counselor, and mother, I know supporting all moms - no matter how they feed their baby - is important.
Yes, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization tell us that breast is best. Working with moms to try to achieve this is one of my greatest passions.2
But breastfeeding isn’t possible for everyone, and no one should feel bad about feeding their baby formula.
Embarking on the formula-feeding journey is often surrounded by myths, misconceptions, and judgment. Navigating the world of formula feeding comes with its own challenges and triumphs.
Here are some insights and advice to help shed light on the realities of formula feeding.
Letting go of breastfeeding guilt
The first thing to know is that fed is best, whether it’s baby formula or breast milk. Breastfeeding is hard. Full stop. So, stop beating yourself up, you’re not a bad parent for formula feeding!
There are so many reasons why a parent may choose to not breastfeed. From not being able to produce enough breast milk or baby having an allergy to something in your diet, to not being able to pump or even experiencing Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER) - which can make breastfeeding truly unbearable for some people – the choice is incredibly personal.
Don’t let someone make you feel bad about the feeding decision you are making – only you know what’s best for both you and your baby.
The bottom line is that if your baby is happy, healthy, and growing well, your feeding journey is successful!
Formula feeding myths
There are a lot of reasons you may be told that formula isn’t good enough for your little one. But while the decision to choose formula feeding over breast milk may vary from mom to mom, know your baby is getting the nutrients they need to thrive.3
Myth #1: Formula won’t meet my baby’s needs
Formula provides complete nourishment for your baby, providing a nutritionally balanced alternative.
All formula sold in the United States must follow strict guidelines to ensure it contains the appropriate vitamins, minerals, protein, fats, and carbohydrates to support your baby’s appropriate growth and development. And the final product must also go through rigorous testing to ensure safety.13
Myth #2: You can’t bond when formula feeding
Feeding your baby snuggled up close is a bonding experience, no matter whether your little one is bottle-fed or breastfed.5 Rest assured that your little one’s attachment to you will not be upset by bottle feeding.
Formula-fed babies can be fed by partners and grandparents, who can share in these bonding moments. Bottle feeding also allows for others to help busy and exhausted moms.
Myth #3: Formula fed babies may not be as smart as breastfed
Decades of research have revealed what macro- and micro-nutrients babies need and have also looked at what nutrients are present in breast milk. Using this information, formulas are produced to meet a baby’s needs for optimal growth and development.
Although some studies suggest that breastfed babies may have an advantage, other research demonstrates that there are no differences between breastfed and formula fed babies when it comes to cognition.14
And the good news is that certain baby formulas include even more ingredients found in breast milk, such as DHA, which has been shown to help support brain development.16 Others include prebiotics and probiotics, which work to help develop a baby’s gut to be closer to that of a breastfed baby, helping to support immune system development and softer more regular stools.17
Choosing a formula
Not all formulas are created equal. Formulas come in different variations to meet the diverse needs of infants, such as cow’s milk-based formula, soy formula, hydrolyzed formula, and specialized formulas.
The good news is that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulates all baby formula sold in the United States.4 These formulas must meet specific nutrient and safety standards.
Since there are many different types of baby formulas on the market, discussing which formula to use is an important conversation to have with your pediatrician.
Read more:
Should I Switch My Baby’s Formula?
How to Choose a Baby Formula
Responsive Feeding is important, even with formula feeding
Just as when breastfeeding, it is important to feed your formula-fed baby on demand.6 This means feeding when your baby lets you know they’re hungry, rather than relying solely on a feeding schedule. It also means stopping when they indicate they’re full.
Pay attention to hunger and fullness cues rather than focusing on whether or not they’ve finished their bottle.8 Remember babies go through growth spurts which may suddenly spike hunger levels for short periods.7
Don’t worry, your baby will let you know very clearly that they are hungry! As baby gets older – beyond the first few months - their individual feeding pattern will emerge, and the feeding routine will feel more settled.8 But don’t get too comfy, they’ll probably change up their schedule soon enough!
Baby’s hunger cues may include
Smacking/licking lips
Opening/closing mouth
Sucking on lips, hands, toys, etc.
Rooting (mouth wide open and turning head to the side, looking for the bottle or breast)15
Baby’s fullness cues may include:
Starting and stopping the feeding often
Spitting out or pushing away the bottle or breast
Fidgeting or distracting easily
Turning head away from the bottle or breast
Appearing sleepy and relaxed at the end of a feed (fists are unclenched, jaw relaxed, arms and legs relaxed)15
Read More:
Should I Formula Feed on Demand or on a Schedule?
Understanding Your Baby’s Hunger and Fullness Cues
Paced bottle feeding
Many parents may not realize that there are different size bottle nipples to choose from. Fast flow bottle nipples have bigger nipple holes, allowing for milk to come out very quickly. These work well for older babies, but a newborn’s sucking reflex and digestive tract is not fully developed at birth, which may make it tough for your little one to handle a fast flow of milk.11
A faster flow may cause your baby to swallow more air, which can cause more gas discomfort. Consider using a slow flow nipple that helps them more easily control and handle the flow of milk.
Paced bottle feeding also helps by encouraging a slower-paced feed, helping to avoid too fast of a flow and the swallowing of air.This feeding method also helps prevent overfeeding, allowing baby to follow their innate hunger and fullness cues.6
Paced feeding promotes the concept of responsive feeding and allows baby to control the rate of feeding, eat more slowly, and take breaks.10
Learn more about paced bottle feeding and how to do it: What is Paced Bottle Feeding?
Read more: How do I Relieve Gas in my Formula or Bottle Fed Baby?
It is Vital to Promote Feeding Practices That Focus on the Wellbeing of Both the Mother and Baby
By embracing the pros of formula feeding and dispelling myths, we can create a supportive environment where mothers feel empowered to make the best choices for their families.
Ultimately, the formula feeding journey is a unique and fulfilling experience that deserves acknowledgment and respect.
Let's Chat!
We know parenting often means sleepless nights, stressful days, and countless questions and confusion, and we want to support you in your feeding journey and beyond.
Our Happy Experts are a team of lactation consultants and registered dietitians certified in infant and maternal nutrition – and they’re all moms, too, which means they’ve been there and seen that. They’re here to help on our free, live chat platform Monday - Friday 8am-6pm (ET). Chat Now!
Read more about the experts who help write our content!
For more on this topic, check out the following articles:
Choosing the Best Bottles and Nipples for your Baby
How do I Supplement my Breastfed Baby with Formula?
Formula Preparation: What Type of Water Should I Use?
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